Come bust a move where the games are played. It’s chill, it’s fresh, it’s Noah’s Arcade!
What’s up muggle-humpers! This show has everything:
▶ Go-Go dancers but instead of pretty people they are haunted porcelain dolls with glass eyes that will follow you home into your dream-times.
▶ Eclectic-ass music that’ll make you download Shazam again!
▶ Big bad voodoo beers gettin you three-deep-in-the-window right quick, but with a brand new flava in ya ear, by which I mean mouth.
▶ Bartenders who take the time to talk to you even though they are clearly busy af!
▶ Bedtime buddies. Bring your own or meet a new one! The magic was inside you all along!
▶ Free-play arcade games? Take that, other bars!
▶ A butler on a well-deserved break. Cheers, Figginsworth!
▶ Virtual Reality! And not the shitty cell-phone kind!
▶ Get your bean freaked with my sick-as-balls music video moving pictures! I got meta-ass jokes hidden in there! Find them and destroy them!
▶ A DJ who will recognize what you’re dancing to and keep it poppin just for you!
▶ The shower clowns you fear from your old apartment!
▶ Stadium seating for maximum dopeness!
▶ A pile of oily rags we keep in case someone sees an extra-large spider, we can burn this mother down!
▶ Succulent, delicious foods that’ll make you say “I’m getting a divorce” because you’ll realize how trash-sorry your significant other’s cooking has been this whole time! Hamburger Helper doesn’t need more salt, Carol! Your taste-buds were scorched off in the silver mines and the whole family is suffering! Just taste these chicken tenders! You cook like you’re trying to kill secret snails inside us!
See ya then!